• Competing is the ‘win-lose’ approach – it’s about assertiveness, not co-operation. This approach doesn’t intuitively feel right but can be effective when quick, decisive action is needed or the decision will be unpopular; 

• Avoiding is only really appropriate when the pain of confrontation exceeds the potential benefit of resolving it. If the conflict doesn’t significantly interfere with team performance and you want the team members to handle it informally, on their own, it may be appropriate to ignore it; 

• Collaborating is a potentially ‘win-win’ approach. It works for high-stakes conflicts where getting the right resolution is too important for the issues not to be carefully examined. It can involve negotiation and mediation which are most effective when both parties have something to gain and something to lose, so they allow each other to make a contribution to co-create a shared solution they can each support; 

• Accommodating is when you give in to the demands of the other person – you’re co-operating but not being assertive. This might seem like you’re being a ‘doormat’ but it’s the right strategy when you actually know you’re wrong or if you want to let the other person ‘win’ because you don’t feel that strongly about the outcome. However, you shouldn’t accommodate a resolution just because you want an easy life; 

• And compromising is the ‘lose-lose’ approach where neither party really gets what they want. The best outcome here generally ‘splits the difference’ so it’s perceived as being fair, even if no one is particularly happy with the final outcome. 

Constructive conflict is about solving a problem. It often involves different ways of seeing the issue, and leads to innovation and collaboration. Conflict about processes and ideas can be constructive. 

Here are some tips to remember when you’re faced with a conflict situation: 

• Try not to resolve the conflict with an executive decision – it might be quick but it could increase personal conflict; 

• If the situation needs to be escalated to someone else for resolution, make sure the parties do it together. That way they’ll all get heard and will be more likely to accept the decision;  

• Have a method for making difficult decisions and share that approach with the team – it will make the process transparent and easier for everybody, and help build trust; 

• Share as much information as you appropriately can – accepting this might be difficult if personal safety and security is an issue. Discussing risks together contributes to an open environment; 

• To be effective, people need to feel like they’re working for the best interests of the group and the team’s objective. Mistrust leads to destructive conflict and can destroy a group. You need to assume the people in the team share your goals and trust that there’s enough goodwill to address any conflicts that arise; 

• Talk about your policy for dealing with conflict to make sure people understand it and see it as important. Discuss it regularly and display it on the wall – do anything you can to make the guidelines normal; and 

• Don’t expect the resolution process to be easy or quick – expect emotions, difficult discussions and disagreement. So, make sure you’re prepared, tell yourself that disagreement doesn’t mean disrespect, and remind yourself that you’re all trying to solve a problem together.